.toxoplasmosis.

i know there are many smart people in this world...when sister missionaries leave they are supposed to be gone for 18 months. i am sure many have wondered why i returned only after 6. i am happy to say that i am now ready to talk about it :) it's called toxoplasmosis...

"Toxoplasmosis is a parasitic disease caused by the protozoan Toxoplasma gondii.^[1] The parasite infects most genera of warm-bloodedanimals, including humans, but the primary host is the felid (cat) family. Cat feces are the primary source of infection to human hosts, although contact with raw meat, especially pork, is a more significant source of human infections in some countries. Fecal contamination of hands is a significant risk factor.^{[2] "}

i think wikipedia gives a fair description of the lovely sickness i received in Ecuador. but there are no words i can find to sufficiently describe the hardships, loneliness, confusion, pain, sickness, inadequacies, and heart ache i have felt over the past 6 months since i was sent home sick.

we all have moments in our lives when we feel these emotions. i have learned that it is better to live them and embrace them rather than push them aside and ignore them. there is beauty in feeling these things because it helps us to enjoy the moments when we feel secure, happy, free, loved, excited, and adventurous.

if i never would have gone on my mission... i never would have met all those who have truly changed my life: blunck, glanzzzzzzz, deni, christensen, johnson, snow, gomez, whittaker, farres, forero, ashby, martin, romney, millgate, buhler, lugo, palomino, hess, greenwood, and there are so many more that i am forgetting. i never would have come to know Ecuador and be surrounded by such amazing people. I never would have learned the gospel in such a special way. i never would have been the person i am today. i never would have made 1,000,000 memories to last a lifetime. i will always be grateful for my mission.

ecuador, you still have my heart... even if you gave me a disease from eating cat poop.

i can testify that god is always with us. although our plans are often far different than his, he knows what is best. i never anticipated going through what i did as a missionary. i never expected it would be so hard to be sent home sick. i never guessed i would ache inside almost everyday for the time i wish i could have had as a missionary. but i know that god brought me home for a reason. he is guiding my life, every single step.

be.not.afraid

what a special day easter sunday is. it is a great time to be reminded of what is truly important in this life. this image came to mean a lot to me while i was a missionary. i often pictured myself as the little girl reaching up for my savior's help. when i stop and remember how lucky i am to have the knowledge of jesus christ, it makes every little other detail in my life ok. he will always be there to help and lift us up. he is our redeember, savior, perfect brother, and example. when feeling down realize he is always reaching for you. happy easter.

wertz, matt wertz.

      

                                  
there is just something about matt's. matt nathanson, matt white band, matt hires, but the one who is the best of all is m.a.t.t...w.e.r.t.z. i had the chance to go see him in concert and it turned out to be one of the best nights of my life! he is extremely talented. i loved everyone of his songs! the opening singer was amazing as well, ben rector. if you are not acquainted with either of them look them up!

quote at 6:08 pm

"forgiveness is letting go of the idea that you could have had a different past."

i'm back

life is full of learning moments. in fact, if we look for it, each moment can be a lesson for us. although some moments are lonely, hard, and heart breaking...there are also moments beautiful, heavenly, and enlightening. one lesson i have learned is that i would rather have a life full of all these moments, rather then go through my life feeling nothing. so here i am, a girl trying once again to find my way. after all, "life is full of a series of thousands of miracles."